(Updated as of March’22) Amy | Horses Run and Fly

“How does that make you feel?”

“I felt powerless.”


8 Months Ago

Dr. Kim’s clinic was painted a calming blue; her furniture and items were in a neutral color palette. And then there was that signature pop of magenta table lamp next to her seat. She smiled at me gently, eyes indiscernible of her thoughts. I fidgeted in my seat like the schoolgirl that I once was. I knew by now it was her way of prompting me to carry on with my speaking. I still felt self-conscious speaking to her, but I was willing to speak to her.

“The last we spoke was when I was 25. I went home during the holidays, and we fought. Nothing new there. I packed a bag and left. My mom wasn’t at my graduation either when I got my Ph.D. So, you can imagine how unexpected it was when I saw her case file in my intray last week.”

Dr. Kim put her pen down and smiled at me. The sort of smile you would expect from a proud mother to her beloved child. She said, “This is the first time, without my initiation, you choose to share about your mother.”

I could feel my face and ears flushing red. I gave a feeble smile and said, “I don’t know what to do.”

“When you think of your mother, what comes to your mind?”

“A horse comes to my mind.”

“A horse?”

“Ya, a free-spirited horse, running ecstatically on the Mongolian plains, running with the wind, hair in her face, without a care in the world.”

“That’s nice. She sounds very carefree.”

“Ya, she was. She was eccentric and very intuitive. Very sharp, too, even when I last saw her. She was 60 then. Perhaps it was her gift or quality she honed from her travels. She could see through trickery and illusions in a heartbeat. I could not keep a lie from her.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“I felt powerless.”

“Powerless?”

“Ya, she was kind, so kind to everyone she met. People loved her. People loved her even more, when they experienced her stories in the metaverse. Her stories were so different, so unexpected. They caught people off guard, and people liked that. I did share previously she was a Genesis 0, well she was famous for her fantasy stories, but to her, those stories were true. They were not make-believes. “

“Tell me more about the stories.”

“I’m not sure where to start. There’s so many of them.”

“How does it feel to see your mother now?”

“I still feel powerless too.”

“But your mother is in a coma now.”

Dr. Kim’s words felt biting.

“Yes, I still feel powerless, in a different way.”

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